Major Find in Firth of Forth
“Political language… is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.” George Orwell
Test wells are gushing. The Temperance community is up in arms. The Scottish Government is almost incoherent with delight at a recent discovery. The Kingdom of Fife seeks benefit from the proximity to its shores.
“Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.” Mark Twain
Brexit politicians aim to put a cork in it
There’s desperation in the Brexit camp. They want the news withheld before the EU Referendum. They fear distraction from their vigorous assassination of government colleagues and erstwhile allies. There is concern that a Klondike on our doorsteps will steal oxygen from their racism, misogyny and seldom substantiated factoids.
Conservative (sic) estimates suggest Austerity will end a week on Friday.
Scottish Government uncharacteristically addled
A ScoGov spokesperson reported:
“The purity and quality ish quite oushtanding. Your government hash been teshting thish and will return after the refa-resher-dernumb … err, vote, to lead with shorted polishieeesh.”
Remain(der) politicians characteristically bemused
The PM and all the rest have yet to sparkle—that is changing in Scotland. Unverified reports suggest the top people who flew up to investigate the news have not returned but have had thoroughly entertaining conversations with senior officials and ministers. Security services are not alarmed.
All airlines report zero seat availability on flights to Scotland for the next month. Downing Street will move to Holyrood immediately after the vote. The status quo is secure— the red nuclear button is on hand.
So, whats all the fuss about?
This is the first ever discovery of in-shore Whisky. The filling of the underground lakes of the spirit took place over millions of years as stoic Scots vegetation fermented and percolated through the bedrock of Scotland, was heated by an Icelandic fumarole and deposited in vast underground lakes.
As the renewal of the NHS will take about a year, the government will increase the recommended weekly units to 140 for men, women and all ethnicities to ensure equality of opportunity.
An ScoGov spokesperson said: “We must build on the potential tax bonanza on offer. No need to worry about drinking too much – go for it – we’ll handle your medical problems.”
The Greens shout rubbish
Good news: the government agrees and says it will look into the conversion of rubbish to all forms of alcohol.
I’m tired of listening to it. So why not write some.
“I’m backing David Cameron’s campaign out of pure, cynical self-interest.” Boris Johnson [until he slipped the knife into DC’s back]
The disrespect our politicians show for each other is frightening. This is the reality of our politics: Politicians of every party and stripe don’t hesitated to lie in their own interests — Here we see two sides of the same political party spraying misinformation about and demonising each other. Spin, hypocrisy and mendacity clearly have their own rewards.
The Exiteers make grand assertions they know to be fantasy. They play on the fears of the public and many of us appear gullible enough to believe them. The Remainders lack cohesion, bottle and coherence so far. Both appear as reliable as a chocolate swingometer.
If the UK was a business, and the politicians, directors, there’d be prosecutions for fraud and the misleading of shareholders. Do the politicians respect me as a voter? You? Themselves? Were fraudulent expenses the tip of a dishonest, sewage filled, iceberg?
I’d like to admire and trust our leaders. Broadly speaking, I can’t … more’s the pity.
© Mac Logan