Bobs Buddah smallPardon?

‘Pardon.’

‘Why pardon?’

‘It’s a handy word.’

‘Give me some examples.’

‘It can be presidential and royal.’

‘You mean like when naughty politicians and criminals are forgiven?’

‘Yup.’

‘But I’m thinking a little bit lower than that…’

A windy pardon

‘You at the back, stop snickering.’ …

‘Why would anyone snicker about someone getting a pardon?’

‘Probably because they’re thinking about a different sort of pardon. Funnier than the one I’m thinking of’

‘A different sort?’

‘Ay … few hours after eating beans, for instance.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. A natural sound, representing a release of gas, may intrude into a conversation or group of people discussing something.’

Monarchs and Presidents

‘So the Queen or a President pardons someone for farting, is that it?’

‘They could pardon just about anything. ’

‘Farting included?’

‘Doubtless, but maybe they wouldn’t send invitations from Buckingham Palace or the White House for a mass-flatus-exoneration.’

‘It’s a shame, pomp-and-borborygmus has a certain ring to it.’

‘Without a doubt, but I’m not thinking about passing wind. Even if it is funny … to some folk.’

‘Ooh! getting a bit snobby are we?’

‘No, deaf.’

‘Deaf to farts?’

‘Deafness is no avoidance mechanism for a vicious explosion of gas.’

‘You were going to say, farts smell for the benefit of the deaf.’

‘Nope, I just want to share my own situation.’

‘You want to interject?’

‘Pardon’ often precedes people butting-in when they’re annoyed or want to say something.

‘You’re getting angry with me.‘

‘No.’

‘Did you mean the part about butting-in …

‘Pardon me?’

‘Pardon me’ … get in there

‘’Pardon me’. Two short words that drop into a conversation, just before a confession.’

‘You’ve got wind …’

‘Pardon me.’

‘Why wave a finger at me.’

‘I want to complete my point.’

‘You’re getting stressed.’

‘Could be,’

Stressed

‘Me?’

‘Stress comes when you resist the urge to do horrible things to a person who can’t stop talking about farting.’

‘Oh, pardon me.’

‘Have a presidential absolution on me.’

‘I’m listening …’

‘I’m deaf.’

‘Oh.’

‘And, sometimes when I forget my hearing aid, I point my ear at people and say pardon me a lot.’

‘Okay. Is that it.’

‘Yes.’

‘So, why did you write this?’

‘The title came to me and … this conversation wrote itself.’

‘Pardon me, but is this just an exercise? An experiment?’

‘Yes, hastily formed words, slapped onto the page and … that’s it.’

© Mac Logan