Pardon?

‘Pardon.’
‘Why pardon?’
‘It’s a handy word.’
‘Give me some examples.’
‘It can be presidential and royal.’
‘You mean like when naughty politicians and criminals are forgiven?’
‘Yup.’
‘But I’m thinking a little bit lower than that…’

A windy pardon

‘You at the back, stop snickering.’ …
‘Why would anyone snicker about someone getting a pardon?’
‘Probably because they’re thinking about a different sort of pardon. Funnier than the one I’m thinking of’
‘A different sort?’
‘Ay … few hours after eating beans, for instance.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. A natural sound, representing a release of gas, may intrude into a conversation or group of people discussing something.’

Monarchs and Presidents

‘So the Queen or a President pardons someone for farting, is that it?’
‘They could pardon just about anything. ’
‘Farting included?’
‘Doubtless, but maybe they wouldn’t send invitations from Buckingham Palace or the White House for a mass-flatus-exoneration.’
‘It’s a shame, pomp-and-borborygmus has a certain ring to it.’
‘Without a doubt, but I’m not thinking about passing wind. Even if it is funny … to some folk.’
‘Ooh! getting a bit snobby are we?’
‘No, deaf.’
‘Deaf to farts?’
‘Deafness is no avoidance mechanism for a vicious explosion of gas.’
‘You were going to say, farts smell for the benefit of the deaf.’
‘Nope, I just want to share my own situation.’
‘You want to interject?’
‘Pardon’ often precedes people butting-in when they’re annoyed or want to say something.
‘You’re getting angry with me.‘
‘No.’
‘Did you mean the part about butting-in …’
‘Pardon me?’

‘Pardon me’ … get in there

‘’Pardon me’. Two short words that drop into a conversation, just before a confession.’
‘You’ve got wind …’
‘Pardon me.’
‘Why wave a finger at me.’
‘I want to complete my point.’
‘You’re getting stressed.’
‘Could be,’

Stressed

‘Me?’
‘Stress comes when you resist the urge to do horrible things to a person who can’t stop talking about farting.’
‘Oh, pardon me.’
‘Have a presidential absolution on me.’
‘I’m listening …’
‘I’m deaf.’
‘Oh.’
‘And, sometimes when I forget my hearing aid, I point my ear at people and say pardon me a lot.’
‘Okay. Is that it.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, why did you write this?’
‘The title came to me and … this conversation wrote itself.’
‘Pardon me, but is this just an exercise? An experiment?’
‘Yes, hastily formed words, slapped onto the page and … that’s it.’
© Mac Logan